Defining Boundaries
“It is not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.” -- Epictetus
People go through a lot of things that tear them down. Or rather, people go through a lot of things that make them tear themselves down.
The truth is, everybody has a tragic backstory. Everybody can be the poor kid that did bad in school and didn’t have friends. Funnily enough though, it’s usually the kids who actually do deal with these problems that end up successful. The most successful people are the ones who have tasted failure and hated it, so they spit it out and have been starving for success ever since.
Why do we do this? Why do we knock ourselves down and make our situation worse than it really is?
Well, why do we skip workouts? Why do we eat junk food and spend all day staring at a screen?
The answer is the same: because it’s easier to fail.
It’s easier to break down and give up and choose to stop trying. Sometimes, it’s what we need. Sometimes it’s not worth continuing, and sometimes we really can’t go on any longer without permanently damaging our minds or bodies. That being said, those cases are few and far between.
So what does Epictetus mean when he says it’s only your reaction that matters? Well, my interpretation of this quote is that any situation can be made into something good. It’s not dismissing the fact that people struggle, because that’s clearly not true. People struggle all day every day. However, sometimes it can be useful to use those negative emotions to our advantage and rise above our circumstances.
Take the example of our fight or flight instinct. When frightened or stressed, some people shut down. They curl up in a ball and start crying while whatever is stressing them out continues to happen. This isn’t something to be ashamed of; it’s a perfectly normal human reaction. It’s not necessarily the “wrong” thing to do. Others, however, fight back. They punch whatever jump scares them or seperate themselves from whatever is stressful. Again, this is nothing to be ashamed of, because this is another normal human reaction.
The fight or flight instinct carries over to how we deal with our emotions. When some people are stressed out by work, school, or relationships, they tend to break down mentally. They become a doormat, and they let everything around them take advantage of them. This is usually because they saw a parental figure or a figure of authority do the same thing when they were younger. Other people may become angry and start raging and screaming at the things around them when they’re stressed out. Again, this is usually because they saw an authority figure do the same. Those two cases are the extremes. The key to dealing with stress is to find a balance between the two -- don’t be a doormat, but don’t be a bully either. Instead, be calm and assertive of your boundaries at all times.
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What do you think? How do you stay calm in times of high stress, and how do you stand up for yourself? I’d love to hear your thoughts and ideas in the comment section. Also, feel free to leave a like and share this blog on your social media. Someone else could use the information on here! Stay tuned for future blog posts every Monday, Thursday, Saturday, and Sunday, and try to be the reason someone smiles today :)
Avoiding Negativity
“The key is to keep company only with those who uplift you, whose presence calls forth your best.” -- Epictetus
It’s a dark world we live in, isn’t it?
People around us bring our feelings down all the time. They judge others, speak negatively, assume the worst of people, and just generally have a negative outlook on life. They might say they’re happy people, but when it comes down to it they haven’t faced themselves.They haven’t grown.
How do we fall out of this group of people? Everybody around us seems so negative, and it’s not like we can test out what everybody is like and go from there. We don’t have the time.
The truth is, we don’t need any time to look for more positive people. Instead, we need time to look for the more positive versions of ourselves and begin looking at things more positively.
Once we begin to be more positive, the things around us do the same. Or rather, we attract things that are more like us. When we become sources of light, others reflect our light.
Once we become truly positive, other positive people will show up in our lives. As Epictetus says, this is the key. In order to become something, we need to surround ourselves with likeminded people. It’s difficult to be positive when everyone around you hates everything, just like it’s hard to be negative when everyone around you looks for the best in every situation (which, for the record, is the way to go).
Using this logic, we have three options. Option one is for us to be positive -- no matter what. Always looking for the best and trying to make our circumstances turn out okay. Option two is to surround ourselves with people who chose option one. Option three is to do both, and frankly it’s the most effective.
When we only keep the presence of those who uplift us and bring out our best, it becomes easier to maintain our best. Because of this, we need to actively choose to be around people who we want to be like. Your friends make up who you are, so choose them wisely.
Trouble may come when those negative people try to drag you back down. When this happens, try to remember that you can always refuse to participate in their arguments. It takes two personalities to argue. Knowing this, we can rob people’s negativity of its power by refusing to give it attention. As a result, we become less burdened by them. I’ll say it again: Your friends make up who you are, so choose them wisely.
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What do you think? Do you have ways to avoid negativity? How do you weed out people that drag you down? I'd love to hear your methods in the comment section. Also, feel free to leave a like and share this blog on your social media, you have a friend who could use this information! Other than that, stay tuned for future blog posts every Monday, Thursday, Saturday, and Sunday, and try to be the reason someone smiles today :)
Forming an Unstoppable Will
“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms -- to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” -- Victor Frankl
Humans are freakish creatures, aren’t they?
Think about it. We’re smart enough to argue over completely made up concepts and ideas. No other animal discusses politics or religion because they literally can not comprehend those ideas. Humans, however, do that all the time. Every minute of every day, someone is thinking about religion or politics. That’s something to be proud of. We’re smart.
That being said, our intelligence often turns on us. Many people suffer from anxiety, depression, P.T.S.D., social anxiety, lack of discipline, stubbornness, poor time management, and everything in between. The human mind is vast and expansive, which leaves a lot of room for error.
However. There is one thing that we always have complete control over, whether we like it or not. That one thing is, as Frankl puts it, human freedom. In other words, we can always choose how we feel about something, and we can always choose to think differently about something. Nothing can take that from us.
One example that is, unfortunately, common can be found in people who had overly strict parents. Maybe they were yelled at every time they did something even slightly wrong. Maybe they were never trusted by their parents, but were told otherwise. Of course, these people then struggle to know what true safety and trust look like. That’s a topic of discussion for another time, but what matters in this case is that in some cases, the child will eventually rebel against the parent. The child will ignore the parents’ screaming and yelling, and begin to do things on their own. This is the last of human freedoms shining out of that child -- they’re taking control over their own thoughts and emotions. As sad as it is that this happens so often, it’s an inspiring thought. People of any age have the ability to break out of the mental chains that others have placed on them. This includes you, with any emotional chains. I wish you the best of luck.
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What do you think? What are your mental chains, and what holds you back? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comment section. Also feel free to leave a like and share this on your social media, there’s almost definitely somebody you know who could use this information!
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Check out my blog post titled “Feed Your Fire” for information on how to win a free month of coaching, valued at 1,000$
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Stay tuned for future blog posts every Monday, Thursday, Saturday, and Sunday, and try to be the reason someone smiles today :)
Powerful Mentality
“We suffer more in imagination than in reality” -- Seneca
Seneca was a Roman philosopher who lived from 4 BCE to 65 CE. He projected the idea that human lifetimes are the perfect amount of time if time was used properly.
This quote seems… grim at first, to say the least. Without a second thought, this quote is telling you to suck it up and solve your problems. Although stoicism is meant to help people work towards that ability, chances are that you would struggle with doing that. However, if you really let your mind wander with this quote, it becomes apparent that it’s reminding you just how powerful your mind can be.
As far as we know, we’re the wisest and most intelligent beings in the Universe. We’re so smart, in fact, that we get bored. Even with all of the information surrounding us and stimulating our minds, we still get bored. On top of that, we can develop skills that no other animal can. We can create things that control the elements around us. Our physical domain becomes whatever we want it to be.
However, the same applies to our mental domain. We can make that however we want it to be too. Our mental domain can have an untouchable fortress, or it can be a cardboard box you sit in when you get upset. The thing is, you can’t tell people this without seeming as if you don’t care about their problems. But you, noble reader, understand this concept. As someone who’s been working on themselves mentally, you know you have more control over your thoughts than most people think.
The truth is, most people understand that they control their surroundings, but they're never taught that they have complete control over their thoughts and emotions. Then when they finally stumble across that idea by themselves, they expect it to be easy. Of course, it isn’t, so they quit. In doing this, they let their emotions control them. After that, they wonder why their lives fall apart, and start blaming everything that’s going on around them. Then they try to shut out exterior problems. Before they know it, they’re back at square one.
The reason this quote can resonate with so many people is because truthfully, a lot of people want to be the victim. Not because they aren’t; their problems are valid and they really do matter. In a way, everybody is a victim. Unfortunately, when everybody is a victim, nobody is. This causes some people to magnify small problems they have in order to stand out and feel validated for having that problem. This isn’t to say that nobody has problems. As we know, the world can be a dark and scary place where terrible, horrible things happen. I’m not dismissing that fact. What I am dismissing, or rather what this quote is dismissing, is the idea that problems of any kind need to be a certain size before they’re validated by others; including yourself. Your problems are valid, and they do matter. Anybody who refuses to hear you out isn’t somebody you want to be around.
All of that being said, sometimes our problems aren’t exactly what we think they are, and it’s important to take responsibility for our actions in order to solve those problems.
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What do you think? What problems do you think need to be acknowledged by others? Do you have problems that you’re making worse inside your head? I’d love to hear what you think in the comments section. Also, share this article on your social media! You never know who could use this information to help them. Stay tuned for future blog posts every Monday, Thursday, Saturday, and Sunday, and check out a post on my page called “Feed Your Fire” for information on how to win a FREE MONTH OF COACHING from me, VALUED AT 1,000$! Other than that, take some time to care for yourself, and try to be the reason someone smiles today :)
Accept to Adapt
“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to face ourselves.” --Victor Frankl
Victor Frankl was a psychiatrist and neurologist from Austria. He survived the Holocaust, moving through Theresienstadt, Auschwitz, Kaufering and Türkheim. He went on to form a new branch of psychotherapy known as logotherapy, which focuses on finding meaning in one’s life.
Frankl lived through some pretty big problems to say the least. The thing is, some of those problems persist today, and they all stem from one main issue. We see it in the words and actions of those who judge others, even when the person they’re judging doesn’t react anymore. We see it in people who are addicted to drugs and insist that they can quit whenever they want. We see it in people who are stuck in a toxic relationship. It’s everywhere.
The thing that all these people have in common is that they refuse to face themselves and challenge their own thoughts and beliefs. This could be because of fear, anxiety, anger, frustration, or just plain stubbornness and refusal to change. These people can’t fathom the idea of being wrong, so they simply never admit when they are.
The truth is, sometimes we need to be unmovable forces. Sometimes we need to not listen to other people, and just pursue what we think is right. However, when it gets to the point where every single thing you say is an argument, chances are you’re not accepting that you’re wrong. You might even be arguing just for the sake of it.
When this happens, we don’t adapt. When we refuse to challenge ourselves and develop new thoughts and opinions, we stagnate. Think of it this way -- our minds (and bodies for that matter) are similar to water. If you leave water sitting in a puddle outside, it fills up with dirt and leaves and sometimes even bug larvae. Dump that water into a flowing river, however, and it becomes crisp and clean. The idea is to have a mindset where your thoughts and opinions are strong, but you leave your ears open in the event that you come across new information. After all, you can’t learn what you think you already know.
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What do you do to keep your mind fresh? How do you stop yourself from mindlessly disagreeing? I’d love to hear your thoughts. Feel free to share this article with your friends, they might find it useful! Also, check out my last blog post for information on entering a competition with a reward valued at 1000$. Stay tuned for future blog posts every Monday, Thursday, Saturday, and Sunday, and try to be the reason someone smiles today :)
Feed Your Fire
“A blazing fire makes flame and brightness out of everything that is thrown into it.”
-- Marcus Aurelius
Fire is a tricky element. If used correctly, it can give life to the things around it. We use it to cook nutritious food for our bodies. We use fire to generate light, for countless different reasons, as well as heat, which we can use to forge tools.
However, as useful as fire is, it can easily be misused. Fire is life, but it can just as easily be death and destruction.
This brings us back to our quote. Fire makes flame and brightness out of everything that is thrown into it. The same applies to our minds. If we throw negative thoughts into our heads all the time, then we’re going to make a flame of negativity that spreads elsewhere. However, if we throw positive things into our heads all the time, the opposite effect happens. Put simply; the mind multiplies whatever you think about all day every day.
That being said, the world isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. It can be a very dark, nasty place that beats you to a pulp and keeps kicking you until every bone in your body is shattered. To pretend that the world isn’t capable of doing that would be foolish -- stupid even. However, we can combat this fact by feeding ourselves positivity. The world might be cruel, but if we only ever focus on the cruel parts, that’s all we’ll ever see. In fact, the idea behind most religions is to help us open up our minds to the possibilities that await. The key to keeping yourself from falling and breaking down is to keep your eyes peeled for positivity. We see this in war when soldiers hold on to hope and keep pushing for victory. Some of the best stories are only possible because someone held on to hope.
It’s important for us to understand that we all contribute to other people’s fires with every move we make. The words we say are important, and they make an impact on other people’s thoughts, opinions, and feelings. That being said, our thoughts, opinions, and feelings can be impacted as well. Other people can use their words to hurl doubt, fear, stress, hate, confusion, anxiety, and more at you. Because of this, it’s important to stand guard over your fire. Those negative things that people try to make you feel need to be stopped at the door. In fact, it’s best to not entertain those thoughts at all. In a previous post I used the analogy of a five year old hitting you and screaming at you. Giving that five year old any attention for his actions only fuels him more. The same applies to negative emotions; give them any attention, and they’ll only multiply.
Of course, it’s difficult to maintain this mentality all the time. You can’t always be happy, because then you’ll block out all the other emotions that humans have the capability of feeling. The best thing you can do is accept your stance, and accept that you don’t feel good. Acceptance is the only way to move through your current position.
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Solutions Within Problems: Part Six
“The Fates guide the person who accepts them and hinder the person who resists them.” -- Cleanthes of Assos
This quote summarizes… well, Stoicism as a whole.
Take the word stoic and think about its definition, ignoring the philosophy behind it. According to google, stoic is defined as follows:
noun
- 1.
a person who can endure pain or hardship without showing their feelings or complaining.
The word Stoic describes someone who accepts the current situation and moves forward with it. The philosophy of Stoicism encourages it’s practitioners to embody this character until death. It encourages people to take control over their emotions instead of the other way around. Many people misunderstand and think that Stoicism encourages people to stifle their emotions and not feel at all. I can not stress enough that this is not the case in any way; stoicism is about seizing control over your emotions, not stifling them. The reason for this is that emotions eventually build up enough steam to explode out of whatever container you put them in. Emotions are powerful, but dangerous. Any boy scout has heard the phrase “it’s a tool, not a toy” when they learn how to use a knife. The same applies to emotions.
How does this relate to our quote?
Well, because “fate” is influenced by emotions. The things that happen to us influence our emotions, and our emotions influence the things that happen to us. Obviously we can’t change the things that happen to us, but we have full control over our emotions. Which means we can change the things that are going to happen to us -- at least a little bit.
However, we can’t change our current situation or our future if we spend time trying to force the past to change. We can’t change what’s already happened, we can only change our thoughts about it. If we waste time trying to change the past, we lose control of the present and in turn, the future. In order to move on from the past, we have to accept what happened and take pride in the fact that we did something to make something happen, whether it’s good or bad. We need to learn to take pride in the fact that we’re creator’s in our lives and we have control over things -- and then we need to use that control over ourselves to our advantage. And thus, the fates guide the person who accepts them, and hinder the person who resists them.
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What do you think? What do you do to accept your circumstances, and how has that helped you? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments. Feel free to leave a like, and definitely share this with your friends! They might thank you later for sharing this information with them. Stay tuned for future blog posts every Monday, Thursday, Saturday, and Sunday, and try to be the reason someone smiles today :)
-- Chris
Solutions Within Problems: Part Five
“Will is our internal power, which can never be affected by the outside world.” -- Ryan Holiday, author of The Obstacle is the Way
People let everything get to them nowadays.
No, I don’t mean people get upset over everything. Getting upset or a little bit frustrated is natural. I mean people have a bad habit of letting every minor inconvenience cut to the bone and make them break down. They let external forces lay waste to the stronghold within their mind, and it rots out the rest of their life. It’s a sad truth. It’s unfortunate that it happens, but it does.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying everybody is too sensitive now. I’m saying that people are under the impression that everything has the power to shake them when this simply isn’t the case. How do we change this?
Well, in order to seize control of our minds, we have to seize control of our thoughts. It’s important to realize that your thoughts and your mind are on two sides of the same scale, not different steps on a ladder. You don’t need complete control over your mind in order to control your thoughts, and you don’t need complete control over your thoughts to take back your mind. That being said, control over one makes it easier to seize control over the other. What does this mean?
This means that it’s important to begin disciplining both your mind and the thoughts that spew from it. This means that it’s important for you to understand that words are just sounds from someone’s mouth, and sounds can’t make you change unless you let them. This means that it’s important for you to understand that you can always mentally separate yourself from whatever intense situation is in front of you and remind yourself that it’s going to be olay, and you’ll be able to come up with a plan to get out of whatever mud you’re stuck in.
Still don’t think it’s possible? I don’t blame you. It’s difficult to say the least, I won’t pretend like it’s easy.
What I WILL say though, is that you’ve probably mentally distanced yourself before and didn’t even realize it. Think about what would happen if a five year old kid came up to you, kicked your leg, and called you every name under the sun. Would you lose it? Or would you tell the kid to go away and go throughout your day? Most of us would choose the latter, but if you think you would lose it then honestly, I recommend seeking help from a professional -- most people wouldn’t lose it on a five year old.
So what’s my point here? Why am I telling you all this? Well, because as simple as it may seem, most people don’t realize they already know the things you’ve just read. Most people don’t remember to mentally distance themselves when things get intense and go inside their mental fortress. Most people lash out when they get too stressed, and that results in much more harm than good. I’m reminding you that you know these things in order to help you break away from what others do -- lose their temper in the heat of the moment. You have it in you to rise above the feelings that others try to project onto you through their words and expressions of emotion. Everybody does. Be the example.
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What do you do when you get upset? Do you go for a walk? Do you begin counting? I’d love to hear alternative methods to cooling down and regaining mental control, because there’s many different ways to go about doing so. Feel free to comment your thoughts underneath this post -- let’s start a conversation! I also encourage you to follow this blog, like it, and share it with your friends. They might thank you for sharing this information! Also, stay tuned for future blog posts every Monday, Thursday, Saturday, and Sunday, and try to be the reason someone smiles today :)
-- Chris
Solutions Within Problems: Part Four
“When your feelings are screaming that you’ve had enough … override that emotion with concrete logic and willpower that says one thing: I don’t stop.” -- Jocko Willink, Retired Navy Seal Officer
Nobody likes the over-the-top motivational speaker. It’s a good thing that this quote doesn’t exactly come from one.
The last blog post went in detail on the best way of adapting to the things life throws at you -- allow yourself room in your schedule to adapt. What I didn’t explain, however, was how to push yourself to follow that schedule and not slack off.
Here’s the thing. A majority of today’s motivational speakers are all repeating the same thing. Usually it’s something along the lines of “Get up and GRIND from the moment you wake up to the moment you collapse. Only work. Don’t rest at all. Keep going. Go, go, go, go, go.”
Although sometimes this is exactly what we need, the human psyche can’t be moved forward by the same thing all the time. In order to work around this problem, most people set aside a lot of time to rest. This method works pretty well, and for people who want to blend in with the rest of society, it’s probably the way to go. And the truth is, there’s no shame in blending in. There’s no shame in not being a millionaire. Our culture has a bad habit of trying to convince everyone that if they aren’t rich, they’re failing. It’s important to understand that this isn’t true for everyone.
That being said, some people desperately want to stand out from their peers. Some people desperately want to be noticed by people they look up to, and some people desperately want to become a millionaire. In order to truly stand out from all your peers, you need to change your mindset into something that allows you to work all day for almost every day of the week, allowing one or two days for you to rest and recover. But yes, you still need to rest. Otherwise your body will burn out. Don't try to convince yourself otherwise.
In order to go all day for five or six days of the week, you need to form two sides of your mind: emotion and logic. Jocko Willink sums it up beautifully in the quote at the top of this article. The thing is, people burn out. It’s just what they do. They run out of motivation. First off, get rid of motivation. Allow yourself to understand that you’re not always going to be motivated to work. Replace motivation with discipline. Make yourself finish the task, even when you don't want to. When discipline runs out, use logic. The idea is to fuel yourself on emotion to work towards your goals, then use logic when your emotions can’t keep you going. By the time logic fails, it’s usually a bit easier to pick your emotions back up and tell yourself to keep working. Logic and Emotion both remind you that you can’t stop until your goal is reached.
Understanding how to use Emotion and Logic to drive yourself makes it easier for you to achieve your goals or, in this case, stick to your schedule. Then, as we know by now, your daily schedules (otherwise known as habits -- see past blog posts for details on those) slowly carry you towards success.
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What do you use to keep yourself disciplined? Do you reward yourself immediately after? Do you think about your end goal? Or do you try to find joy in what you’re doing? I’d love to hear your thoughts. Feel free to comment them down below! I’d also appreciate it if you liked this post and shared it with your friends and family -- they might thank you for sharing this information later on! Stay tuned for future blog posts every Monday, Thursday, Saturday, and Sunday, and try to be the reason someone smiles today :)
-- Chris
Solutions Within Problems: Part Three
“Under the comb, the tangle and the straight path are the same.” -- Heraclitus
This quote from the 500 BCE philosopher is still as important today as it was about 2,517 years ago. Why? What does it even mean? I can already imagine what some people may think -- “Things are a lot harder now you know, it wouldn’t make sense for that to still apply.”
The truth is, this quote is more important than ever in our world of information overload. A big problem in society today is that people have a tendency to overthink every single little step of a plan they have to do every little thing throughout their day. Eventually, their daily schedules go from something like “Wake up, go to work, come home, relax, read, eat, and sleep” to something more along the lines of “Wake up at this precise time so that you can eat the right food for your body. Then you need to plan your day out in 15 minute increments. After that you’re going to drive to work, taking this exact course, doing these exact movements, and start working at this precise time…” I’m sure you can imagine how the rest of that day looks. However, there have been times in the past where I’ve actually advised a strict schedule. Recently, I’ve actually written about habits, how to make them, and how to break them. That’s no simple task, because it requires you to rigorously plan out your courses of action. So why would I contradict myself?
The truth is, rigorous planning is amazing. It’s also impressive that we have the capability of doing it -- you don’t see any animals writing in a book about what they’re going to do that day. However, the thing that brings rigorous planning from ideal to catastrophic is the fact that people also have the capability to make mistakes. Maybe your plan for the day really is so strict that you already know what you’ll be doing and where you’ll be every 15 minutes. That’s great until you run into traffic on the way to work. One tiny little accident could put you slightly off schedule, and being slightly off schedule can ruin your whole day if you let it.
The number one way to combat life from throwing you off schedule is to create a schedule that’s simple enough that you can switch it around. This way, one little mistake won’t ruin your whole day. It might inconvenience you, yes, but you’ll be able to adapt to your new circumstances, come up with a solution to get you back on track, and move on with your day.
Once people understand that loose and adaptive scheduling allows for screw ups and mistakes, they’ll be able to start making moves towards progress. It’s easier to make a hill when you don’t have to meticulously place each shovel full of dirt in a certain spot. When it comes to progress, it can even be better to make the wrong decision than no decision at all -- because at least then you’re getting more experience than the person frozen in one spot because of fear. Taking a step that’s a little to the left of where you’re trying to go is better than taking no steps at all, because things will correct themselves along the way. I think you get the idea now; trial and error is better than nothing. So start taking steps and trying.
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What are your thoughts on the subject? How do you plan for your day? Is there anything you do that provides structure to your life as a result of you doing it every day? I’d love to hear what you have to say -- your words matter too! Feel free to share this article on social media; someone you know might use the information on it. Stay tuned for future blog posts every Monday, Thursday, Saturday, and Sunday, and try to be the reason someone smiles today :)
-- Chris
Solutions Within Problems: Part Two
“The trick to forgetting the big picture is to look at everything close up.” -- Chuck Palahniuk, Freelance Journalist, American author, and Author of Fight Club
Today’s society has something that jumbles everything up and causes panic, fear, anxiety, and overall unhappiness. That something is Media. Television, the internet, the news, phones, laptops, tablets, different branding, advertisements, huge billboards to look at while we’re driving, radios, even other people who won’t stop talking about a product or brand. We’re constantly bombarded with an excess of information, and it breeds fear. People will begin worrying about what’s happening in celebrities' personal lives or what their favorite brand is going to release next (There are some things that we all should worry about and unite for or against, but this blog isn’t about politics). The result? People lose track of what’s going on right in front of their face. They begin to worry so much about other people and things that they forget to worry about the things that are happening in their own personal lives. Suddenly those things build up. The bills suddenly stack up, work becomes too difficult, family members become too stressful to be around. Things become difficult.
The number one way to combat this is to live in the moment. No, I don’t mean love the moment you’re in. I mean be present in the moment and your surroundings. Don’t think about that embarrassing thing you did in highschool when you’re at work; think about how to get your job done quickly and efficiently. Don’t think about your job when you’re spending time with family; think about the conversation you’re having with them and how you can bond with them. Eventually things will become so mixed up that you start thinking about everything BUT what’s right in front of you, and you never catch up.
The best way to get yourself back into the moment is to promise yourself to think about your problems later, during a time you specifically set aside to reflect and react to your problems. That way your mind will understand that you hear what it’s telling you, and instead will focus on the job that needs to get done in the present moment. This is why it’s important to give yourself alone time to meditate and just think. You’re essentially teaching your mind how to do good time management.
After you spend time thinking about your problems, you need to come up with a general plan of action. It’s important to not get into too much detail, because then you’ll start stressing yourself out even more than you were in the first place. Coming up with a plan of action helps because then you have an end goal and you know what you’re working towards, even when you’re in stressful situations. In fact, some people even write down their plans of action so that they remember what they came up with to combat their problems.
The second steps in changing your negatives into positives go as follows: learn to live in the moment, but set aside time to prepare yourself for action. These steps allow for clarity in thought, and that’s the best thing to have for yourself when everything around you seems like it’s crashing down.
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How do you combat stress? Do you meditate? Talk about it with others? Or do you write down your thoughts? I’d love to hear different approaches to mental clarity; the possibilities are vast and endless. Feel free to let me know in the comments down below. It would also help me out quite a bit if you shared this with your friends and family on social media. They might find this information useful! Stay tuned for future blog posts every Monday, Thursday, Saturday, and Sunday around noon, and try to be the reason someone smiles today.
-- Chris
Solutions Within Problems: Part One
“The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.”
-- Marcus Aurelius, last of the Five Good Emperors of Rome
Many people hear quotes like this one and assume that it’s invalidating their feelings, or telling them to “just suck it up.” Although sometimes this is true, it isn’t what this quote embodies. Instead, this quote is encouraging people to flip the obstacles in their lives upside down and use them to build a ladder towards success.
Let’s be honest. Everybody struggles. Everybody has something in their life that’s holding them back or limiting them in some way. Not just the anxious, depressed, socially awkward, angry, or lonely people, but the confident, charismatic, outgoing, happy, and popular people too. Everybody struggles. Although some things we simply can’t change, we can always change our mindset about any certain issue. This is the central idea to the philosophy of Stoicism.
Control of your issues starts with your perception on your issues. Past blog posts have gone in depth on how identity and mentality are the only things that can solidly change the outcomes of our actions, so it makes sense that control of your mindset can do the same. The first step in doing so is disciplining your perception on life. Form habits of trying to see the positives in everything; even the most negative issues. Maybe you lost a limb -- that just means you have one less thing to worry about training. Maybe you failed a math test -- at least it’s done and in the past now. Discipline in thought leads to discipline in action. As a result, you’ll see more opportunities because you open up the possibilities of happiness. In other words, you can’t see positivity if you aren’t looking for it.
However, it’s not as simple as controlling your thoughts to be more positive. Ryan Holiday, author of “The Obstacle is the Way,” claims that it’s also absolutely crucial for you to control your nerves. You can’t genuinely change someone’s mind by raging and screaming in their face. You might be able to scare them into saying they agree with you, but the truth is that change comes from within. The same applies to the problems you have in your day to day life. You can’t get upset and suddenly make everything conform to your mindset. That being said, you can do the exact opposite to end up with the best possible outcome. It might not be exactly what you wanted it to be, but sometimes the things that are good for us aren’t the same as the things we want.
To summarize the first two steps in changing your negatives into positives: Shift your negative thoughts into positive thoughts using habit changing methods, then discipline your nerves and emotions so that they don’t make you stray from your path. As a result, you’ll achieve mental clarity and self respect, which then leads to overcoming obstacles.
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What do you think? How do you discipline your mindset into a tool that works for you instead of against you? I’d love to hear your thoughts, ideas, and opinions. I would also sincerely appreciate it if you shared this article with your friends and family, either directly or through social media. They could find it useful, and it also helps our community grow. Also, stay tuned for future blog posts every Monday, Thursday, Saturday, and Sunday around noon, and try to be the reason someone smiles today.
--Chris